ITSam Stuff

So.................................................................

Every time I go to write anything here, I worry about jinxing the relationship. I worry about sounding stupid. I've waxed poetic in the past about Sams and look how those have turn out. This worries me, to just throw it all out there.

I had a GF once tell me that she knew when I was serious about a guy because I was pretty closed mouthed about him. Maybe that's true here?

Things are very good. He's very nice. I know I've said that before but it bears repeating since I've known more NOT nice guys in my life than those who are nice.

He wants to get married. He was ring shopping and finally just said he wasn't officially "asking" me yet but this was something he didn't want to screw up and surprise me with the wrong ring. And he wasn't sure what I wanted. He also said he got the vibe I wouldn't want a traditional diamond but wasn't sure where to go. So he told me he wanted to propose and would at some point in the future and took me to a couple of jewelry stores to show him what I wanted so he could get the exact right thing "when the time" came.

He said he also wasn't officially asking because he hadn't talked to Daddy-O yet.

I found a pink Sapphire, 1 karat, solitaire, cut like a traditional princess cut, with a white gold band. That's what I want. No side stones and no baguettes. Just one big pale pink stone smack in the middle. With a Tiffany band. He was impressed. And not surprised at the pink, either.

In the middle of all this, we're discussing moving in together. We're looking at a 3 bedroom house to rent this weekend. It's lovely. A little cottage, tucked off the street, under some pretty trees. It's yellow. Possibilities.

Is it quick? Probably. Is it a good idea? Who knows? I've made worse and bigger mistakes, if it comes to that.

I shot off my mouth. A few days after looking as rings we were talking about people we know who had lived together before they got married which led us to talking about our own experiences with that situation. I said I wouldn't live with anyone (again) without being engaged and a date set, with invites ordered. Sam thought that was smart and he "got" where I was coming from since I had a BAD experience with that once.

Then we heard about the yellow house and it just seems ideal for our needs. Now, I have to make a choice. Do I move in without the ring or let a great house go because of no ring? With the first month's rent, a deposit, and deposits for utilities and the cost of a moving van, there wouldn't be much left over for a ring after all those expenditures. Ah, conundrums.

There's lots more to say here. It's just... scary. I've been, for all intrinsic purposes, single for about 7 years. I've had some short term, monogamous relationships that never went anywhere. And if I'm completely honest with myself, of all the men I've dated, slept with or monogamously relationshiped with, there was only one I really wanted to go anywhere and he turned out to be the Gay Cowboy. I've been single for a very long time. Thinking in terms of a permanent relationship with someone is weird for me. Weird, seriously. Other than Mac, I've pictured doing things in my life alone. I've envisioned my future one certain way for so long that now that there's another person, I'm often at a loss of what to do. But maybe these are thoughts for another post... I could probably stretch ITSam and dating into 2 or 3 or 12 posts...

And this post caps stuff week! I think you're all caught up.

Lots of pink lipsticky kisses,
Mags