Teenage Wasteland

Saturday Mac was going to graduation open houses and then to a bonfire. I know what that means- kegger. Before he left, I told him to not become a cliche nor a statistic and to not drink and drive. If he got drunk, I told him to either call me for a ride, sleep over at the party or sleep in his car. And before he left, my uncle also told him to not be afraid to call for a ride. (Please don't judge my parenting... it was a choice I made.)

Apparently he goes to the open houses and then to the bonfire. He gets there and pretty much everyone he knows is pretty much blatto and the big rumor is that the party is going to be busted by the cops. Mac decides, when he heard that, to stay sober. He hangs out and then the word goes out that the cops are on the way to raid the party so he gets a bunch of kids in his car and they all take off, him being the designated driver.

The girl who was hosting the drunken bonfire we'll call ADumbAssGirl because she posted on her Facebook about her kegger which is how the cops knew about it- idiot. She ended up in Mac's car, as did two of Mac's best buds, R and J. ADumbAssGirl want to go to a little town about 25 minutes from here. Mac said no but she then said she would drive herself, so he decides to drive her and incur the wrath of me later. But just as they get to the edge of town ADumbAssGirl has him pull into a parking lot and she gets out of the car and into another with a guy, leaving Mac and his friends to follow them, to go to another party. Mac is sober and while R and J were fairly drunk they all decide they don't want to go to the party because they guy ADumbAssGirl got in the car with is a known around town drug dealer- they should it was a bad idea.

So J suggests they go hang out at his patents lake cabin. It hadn't been opened up yet and the floor was covered with rat poop but they decided "what the heck- why not?". As Mac pulls into the cabin driveway, another car comes in behind them and 3 more guy friends spill out. As Mac steps on the break to stop the car, he hears a weird sound from the rear. He thought the guys behind him hit him. They all look at the rear of the car and determine no danger so Mac opens the trunk. And do you know what was there?

Two bottles of 7-Up, a gallon of generic Hawaiian Punch, and two Dirty Thirties. For those of you who don't speak 17-year old boy, that means there were two 30 packs of beer. In Mac's trunk. No one knows where it came from. All they can think is that ADumbAssGirl was supposed to bring it to the next party and when the guys didn't go...

to them, it was manna from the gods.

So what are six 17 and 18 year old boys to do on a Saturday night on the first weekend of summer vacation at a deserted lake cabin when faced with 60 cans of beer? Oh yeah.

So they drank beer and hung out at the lake, sat around being stupid guys and trading stories and just... being.

Mac slept in his car because even he was to weak to withstand the siren call of 60 cans of free beer for the taking.

At this point in my narrative, I would like to point out that I get this entire story from Mac when he got home Sunday morning. Without a shirt. Missing one shoe. When he left the house Saturday night, I distinctly remember he had on a shirt, and 2 shoes.

So Sunday morning he fills me in and all he really remembers is that it was hot outside so they were all sitting around without shirts. (Keep the homo-erotic comments to your collective selves, please). They didn't want to go in because of the rat poop and it was too hot to sleep in the car so he took of his shirt. He can't exactly explain the shoe. I don't think I want to know. It was just a flip-flop.

Two funny things:
1) One kid convinced the others to smoke a joint. They passed it around and Mac said he never smoked pot before but thought- what the hell. (Again, we aren't going there as parents right now) He thought it smelled really flowery and tasted terrible and burned and was awful. Until the kids who got the other 5 to smoke let them in on the joke: they smoked room freshener incense. Dumbasses.

2) Mac came straight in the house and went straight to the bathroom and showered. Because he drank about 14 beers and then passed out and then subsequently peed on himself in his sleep... yeah. I also made him clean the car seat.

At least he didn't drink and drive. And he didn't let his friends drive drunk.

He would probably kill me if he knew I told this story to the blogging world, but I just can't help it. There is so much stupidity crammed into one evening. And when you see those teen comedy drinking movies you can stop wondering what inspires them...

Mac's mom,
Maggie