Matter of Trust

You would think that after that that's happened with the Shrews, with the mean That Bitch from back in the Wild West, all the Sams (especially AlaskaSam and CanadianSam), and more recently Trooper I would have more trust issues than I really do.

It hit me like a ton of bricks that I should stop trusting anyone after Trooper's phone call. Then I thought that was sort of drastic and probably a knee jerk reaction. He didn't really violate my "trust" exactly- he just hurt my feelings, hurt my heart, and disappointed me a whole bunch.

Then last night one of the kids came in to relieve me at the ice cream and he asked how my weekend was and I rolled my eyes or something and he said, "Oh yeah. I forgot. I'm sorry." And I looked at him with that "what?" look and he said, "I heard you got dumped by your cop boyfriend." I asked him where he heard that and he said "XRay Girl told me all about it," and he proceeded to tell me about my life in detail. (I would like the record to state that I never once referred to Trooper as my 'boyfriend' to anyone.)

I was shocked and surprised that XRay Girl would tell after I told her not to. And to tell one of the HS kids at the ice cream parlor where I worked! I was pretty mortified.

The ironic part is that she and I had plans to see a movie and have dinner last night as well. So when she came to get me for the movie (her turn to drive since I did last time) I called her on it. I figured worst case she would lie and then I would cause a huge ruckus and then end up back home, or she would fess up. Basically, she said she was sorry, she wasn't sure why she told and was sorry, didn't mean to hurt me and was sorry, and she seemed fairly chagrined. Okay.

So rather than end the friendship, I've decided to learn something important here: don't tell XRay Girl anything that I don't want the entire world to know. We can still be friends but I need to keep my secrets to myself. This seems more adult and grown up than never speaking to her again and bitch slapping her for being a blabber mouth.

It's funny really, that no one knows all my secrets. If you get all the people I know together in one room after I die and they start comparing stories, then all the pieces will fall together, but no one person knows it ALL! And it's also funny, I realize, that I don't make friends very easily and I don't usually tell secrets to people, yet here on my blog I'll write whatever-- maybe because here started as a bunch of strangers so it didn't matter? This was a good place for me to kick down some walls and let down my hair? And because here I think, most of the time, like a writer and sometimes my 'Maggie' persona spins a good story?

I've always had a rough time making friends and have done better as an adult than I ever have as a teenager or a young kid. My problem has always been about trusting someone and it seems like when I do let my guard down, I get burned by someone, accidentally or on purpose. I think maybe the wall should come back up? Dunno.... Just thinking out loud here....

All in all, it's just another brick in the wall,
Maggie