- The mall has furniture on carpet arranged in conversational groupings. This is a mall that was formerly very scary; it was the "ghetto" mall and pretty unsafe- people were mugged in the parking lot and raped in the bathrooms type of scary and unsafe. Now, it's been cleaned up and is safer. Mac said, "It's nice to see old people comfortable and relaxed enough to fall asleep in the mall furniture. Unless they're dead."
- We were in the Hallmark store and I was looking for about 5 cards. He was making fun of the fact that I would pick one, read it and put it back- repeatedly. I told him I had to like the picture and the saying BOTH before I would buy a card. Mac said, "Unless there's money in it, no one cares about the card."
- Regarding mall walkers: "Too damn cheap to get a real gym membership."
- Regarding mall cops: "Observe and Report was such a better mall cop movie than that stupid Paul Blart thing." A better mall cop movie?!? There's more than one?!?
- About Bath and Body Works: "It all smells the same. Why bother with all the different colors and scents? They all smell the same: like old lady."
- He ordered a smoothie at Starbucks- he got the Chocolate and banana because it's more manly than the strawberry- banana, though he did say, "With all the protein and fusion powder and estrogen, I'll probably grow boobs from drinking it. And it has an aftertaste like grass. Not marijuana, but lawn."
"This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank. If that sort of thing bothers you, then gentle reader pass by, for we only endeavor to entertain, not to offend. That said, if that’s the sort of thing you think you might enjoy, then you have happened onto the perfect story!" ~ Christopher Moore, Fool
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I love Bath Body. Oh God, that makes me an old lady. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteWhat mall are you talking about? I don't recall either mall ever being that way unless your talkin' about the one on the south side of town when it was around. I'm a little confused... but Mac has some pretty witty insight. :-)
ReplyDeleteCurley- I must smell like old lady too since I have several scents from there myself... :sigh:
ReplyDeletePatti- that is the funniest thing I've ever heard!!!!! OMG! Go you!
Honey- I wasn't in a mall near you. I went to one that is in a town south of my hometown; guess I could call it Southern Civilization! lol!
Ohh that's depressing - I smell like an old lady! Haha Mac is so funny!
ReplyDeleteI find it rather odd that Mac knows grass (lawn) aftertaste rather than — or distinctly from — the other.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, I would expect the kid to be experimenting with smoking grass, not EATING it!
LPM- according to Mac just about every woman I know smells like an old lady since we all seem to wear it...
ReplyDeleteFarrago- I didn't even want to know. What I'm wondering if it's because he cuts the grass and sings along with his iPod so maybe it blew into his mouth?
Like I said, I don't even want to know!